this was just what I needed to hear today! I cried to my therapist for an hour about how I struggle to socialize and why making friends is so scary. but this had a lot of great advice in it and I especially resonated with the quotes.
This was a wonderful read, very insightful having both sides of the coin of having many friends and the potential loss of depth in relationships and the fear of not knowing anyone at a party. Loved this, thank you
Thank you for this, I thoroughly enjoyed it. I don't know anyone closely where I live currently, so this resonated a lot. I appreciate the directness of your introduction!
About to move to a new city and to make use of the opportunities that's going to offer. Reading this made me a little more optimistic.
Loved this!! As someone who’s moved around loads I never understood why people say it’s hard to make new friends as an adult. I do have a lot of social anxiety but I try to push through it and just be open and friendly to people I’m interested in getting to know. More often than not, other people are in the same boat as you and excited to meet others and form bonds.
This is really reassuring as I’ve been thinking more about moving to London. Somewhere I’ve always dismissed as a rich person’s playground, but is actually a place I would love to get to know and inhabit for a while. The social aspect is what makes any city a wonderful or miserable place to be, it’s just much more intimidating in vastly populated cities. I think the potential for loneliness (and financial sacrifice) is the main thing holding me back, but this piece is really refreshing and it’s good to know that most people deal with it and work it out.
Such a great read, Kasra. Loved how you discussed the other side, having too many friends. And how getting bolder in one domain can lead to different insecurities.
I cannot overstate how much I like this. Having gone through a similar revelation in my late 20s, I never had the push to share it with people and it makes me joyful that you do.
Thanks for this. I thoroughly appreciate a balanced blend of practicality while also addressing the underlying foundational aspects of a subject and this nails said balance.
"This juxtaposition helps train your brain to be less afraid of the activity, perhaps."
At first I was thinking that I've never really thought about using logs/trackers in this way, but then realized many time I have used this method in an unhelpful way by noticing times of peace or joy when looking back(in a journal, etc), noticing that I no longer have that feeling/have any sustainable way to reconnect to it and then going into sadness/shame/etc. Reframing comes in for the win yet again lol.
"The real victory is to be able to enjoy your newfound friendships, while being able to fluidly oscillate between seeing yourself as “person who is a loner and that no one wants to hang out with” and “popular person that people really like”, while noticing the totally contingent and ephemeral nature of both of those views."
Beautifully put. The awareness of noticing I am in my 'loner/popular' story, acceptance of my feelings and thoughts around that, then stepping back again to notice these are indeed stories definitely seems a necessary step at some point in the game.
Perhaps reading more into it: my emotions and thoughts around these stories, while true as I experience them, aren't based in truth(or at least only my version of the truth; i.e. story) and that connecting to a deeper truth that transcends those stories(read: ongoing process) is necessary to be able to healthily navigate these relationships in the first place.
this was just what I needed to hear today! I cried to my therapist for an hour about how I struggle to socialize and why making friends is so scary. but this had a lot of great advice in it and I especially resonated with the quotes.
I appreciate and like this SO much. A refreshing read
thank you Michelle!
This was a wonderful read, very insightful having both sides of the coin of having many friends and the potential loss of depth in relationships and the fear of not knowing anyone at a party. Loved this, thank you
thank you Tinaeshe!
As someone about to move and restart his social life (in New York no less!) this was a perfectly timed and very insightful read. Thank you!
Thank you for this, I thoroughly enjoyed it. I don't know anyone closely where I live currently, so this resonated a lot. I appreciate the directness of your introduction!
About to move to a new city and to make use of the opportunities that's going to offer. Reading this made me a little more optimistic.
glad to hear it Jonas, wishing you the best of luck!
enjoyed this a ton! thank you
Loved this!! As someone who’s moved around loads I never understood why people say it’s hard to make new friends as an adult. I do have a lot of social anxiety but I try to push through it and just be open and friendly to people I’m interested in getting to know. More often than not, other people are in the same boat as you and excited to meet others and form bonds.
reading this helped me become more optimistic for my abikity to make friends this coming semester. Thank you :)
this was a great read! im going to implement some of your suggestions
This is really reassuring as I’ve been thinking more about moving to London. Somewhere I’ve always dismissed as a rich person’s playground, but is actually a place I would love to get to know and inhabit for a while. The social aspect is what makes any city a wonderful or miserable place to be, it’s just much more intimidating in vastly populated cities. I think the potential for loneliness (and financial sacrifice) is the main thing holding me back, but this piece is really refreshing and it’s good to know that most people deal with it and work it out.
Really great tips! I love the balance of showing the pros and cons of each scenario.
Such a great read, Kasra. Loved how you discussed the other side, having too many friends. And how getting bolder in one domain can lead to different insecurities.
I cannot overstate how much I like this. Having gone through a similar revelation in my late 20s, I never had the push to share it with people and it makes me joyful that you do.
This was a beautiful read. Insightful and raw. Well done!
Thanks for this. I thoroughly appreciate a balanced blend of practicality while also addressing the underlying foundational aspects of a subject and this nails said balance.
"This juxtaposition helps train your brain to be less afraid of the activity, perhaps."
At first I was thinking that I've never really thought about using logs/trackers in this way, but then realized many time I have used this method in an unhelpful way by noticing times of peace or joy when looking back(in a journal, etc), noticing that I no longer have that feeling/have any sustainable way to reconnect to it and then going into sadness/shame/etc. Reframing comes in for the win yet again lol.
"The real victory is to be able to enjoy your newfound friendships, while being able to fluidly oscillate between seeing yourself as “person who is a loner and that no one wants to hang out with” and “popular person that people really like”, while noticing the totally contingent and ephemeral nature of both of those views."
Beautifully put. The awareness of noticing I am in my 'loner/popular' story, acceptance of my feelings and thoughts around that, then stepping back again to notice these are indeed stories definitely seems a necessary step at some point in the game.
Perhaps reading more into it: my emotions and thoughts around these stories, while true as I experience them, aren't based in truth(or at least only my version of the truth; i.e. story) and that connecting to a deeper truth that transcends those stories(read: ongoing process) is necessary to be able to healthily navigate these relationships in the first place.
exactly right! well said
I'm moving to a new city and living by myself for the first time. Perfectly timed!
hell yea! you got this