Ways of being

A refresher on meditation and attention

Pay attention to the sensation in your jaw. Is it relaxed and loose, or tightly clenched? Is your tongue resting in your mouth, or is it pushing upward against your palate?

Now take a few deep breaths. Pay attention to the passing of the air through your nostrils, down into your lungs, and back out again. Notice the faint breeze at the tip of your nose as you breathe in and out. The slow expansion and contraction of your chest.

There are different ways of paying attention to the world around you. Different background states of awareness, independent of the particular activity you're doing. Your awareness can be tense and contracted, or it can be open and accepting. Curious and loving, or fearful and closed off.

For most of us, our default state is contracted. We're focused on the task at hand—though not for long. The tension in our mind makes us easily distractible, swept away by the next notification, the next to-do, the next thought. Did I respond to that last email? What should I make for lunch today? Do my coworkers like me? Have I accomplished enough?

This need not be our default. The mind can be at peace and open more of the time, and this openness doesn't have to impede our ability to do other things. Even as you read the words in this paragraph, shift your attention slightly to take in the wider background: the screen you're looking at, the walls around you, the sounds you hear. Notice the space between the screen and your eyes. Where do you lie within this wider space?

Attention is at the center of everything we do. It's the channel through which we see, hear, taste, smell, touch; the gateway between our internal awareness and the external world. We spend a lot of time thinking about what we pay attention to—dividing our time between screens, friends, family, news, nature—but not as much about how we're paying attention. Learning to pay attention well can change how you experience every other aspect of your life: your relationships, your moods, your work, your thoughts.

How do we shift into a more open state? If you experienced anything from the instructions above, you'll know that momentary shifts are achievable. But the problem is that time passes and we slide back into our habitual tenseness. It feels impossible to do both at once: be mindful and also slog through our endless inbox of errands and emails for the day.

To sustain a more open awareness, we have to make it a deeper part of our psychology. We have to learn, practice, and commit to taking care of our own minds. Over time, you can become more at ease, more grateful, and less distracted, even in the midst of everyday mundanity.

Even noticing little things like when your back is slouched or your jaw is clenched allows you to go about your day differently. You can invest less energy into constantly resisting what's around you and more energy into what you care about. Contrary to what people think, being more mindful is not about being apathetic to the world. It's about engaging with the world with wisdom, intention, and compassion, rather than split-second reactivity. Mindfulness can give you more energy and resolve to help alleviate the suffering in the world and in your own mind.

Ultimately, the various ways of being in the world are habits. There's a lot you can do to change your habits over time, whether it's daily breathing exercises, downloading an app, or reading a book. We all want to be more loving, patient, and joyful in this world, and there are many ways to get there. You just have to start somewhere.