I can definitely relate to this - I always find myself needing to be reassured by others in order to feel better. But how did you actually make this mindset shift? I would be curious to hear what worked for you!
honestly it involved a lot of work with coaches who are focused on this. basically, my self-trust was based on this assumption that if I don't attempt to control my life in specific ways, very bad things will happen. I began to just explore these bad scenarios in detail, and just go through them like "okay, if this bad thing happens, how would I like to respond to that situation?" and slowly coming to realize that all these situations that I thought were "intolerable" are actually tolerable. or rather, there is no such thing as "intolerable" – you just keep experiencing things in life, good and bad, until you die. it's quite hard to transmit the whole process over text haha, but that's my attempt and will hopefully explore it more in future posts
This is very interesting. I wonder how much of our desire to connect or run things by people is a biological urge? We would have been surrounded by other people - those close to us as well as acquaintances - when we lived in tribes. It could be hardwired in. And I wonder how much is a lack of secure attachment.
yep it's definitely a combination; we'll always need other people, and I think the question is, can we come into closer contact with the reality of what things we need from others and what we simply need from ourselves.
Working my way to secure attachment (to self, friends and romantic partners) this has been KEY "The vision I’ve set out for myself is – can you trust yourself to take care of your problems as needed, and also to reach out for help to the extent that it’s needed too?"
It’s amazing and very tangible when you write it directly about yourself and your feelings. I found it very inspiring and helpful to share.
Thank you
Very relatable (from a fellow enneagram 4!)
I can definitely relate to this - I always find myself needing to be reassured by others in order to feel better. But how did you actually make this mindset shift? I would be curious to hear what worked for you!
honestly it involved a lot of work with coaches who are focused on this. basically, my self-trust was based on this assumption that if I don't attempt to control my life in specific ways, very bad things will happen. I began to just explore these bad scenarios in detail, and just go through them like "okay, if this bad thing happens, how would I like to respond to that situation?" and slowly coming to realize that all these situations that I thought were "intolerable" are actually tolerable. or rather, there is no such thing as "intolerable" – you just keep experiencing things in life, good and bad, until you die. it's quite hard to transmit the whole process over text haha, but that's my attempt and will hopefully explore it more in future posts
I really felt this! I’d love to hear more about how you got to the place you’re in now.
This is very interesting. I wonder how much of our desire to connect or run things by people is a biological urge? We would have been surrounded by other people - those close to us as well as acquaintances - when we lived in tribes. It could be hardwired in. And I wonder how much is a lack of secure attachment.
yep it's definitely a combination; we'll always need other people, and I think the question is, can we come into closer contact with the reality of what things we need from others and what we simply need from ourselves.
Working my way to secure attachment (to self, friends and romantic partners) this has been KEY "The vision I’ve set out for myself is – can you trust yourself to take care of your problems as needed, and also to reach out for help to the extent that it’s needed too?"
loved it!
thank you!
:)