Kasra, i love that you put in the effort to call out the nuance in authenticity. it’s easy to default to “say how you feel all the time” ( my default) but i am learning how powerful it is to step back and watch.
I had a discussion about self-honoring and anxiety with a friend about the same topic that’s been very helpful in piecing out when am I trying to control the situation vs release the situation.
also, it's kinda wild how your writing serendipitously shows up at the perfect timing about a topic I am thinking about so really excited to read you every week.
LOVE your meta self-reflection on this, and how a major driver was your own motivations.
On another note, you are brave to call out the uncomfortable, especially if you’re close friends. I fully support that and wish I had it in me to do that if I feel there might be something in the air! But is that totally defeating the purpose of your whole post? lol
For people strong in self-awareness like us, we'll know when something needs to be said and to say it in a way feels authentic in that moment. But yeah you have me thinking about the entire motivation behind it. Thanks for expanding my thinking!
Well-written as always, Kasra. I feel authenticity is often confused with vulnerability and transparency, all of which have their time and place but can have a profoundly different impact on a conversation when you're trying to meet someone where they are.
I hope you and this friend were able to move past this awkward encounter
While, your approach to deal with the situation is right, but realize that you probably were with a deeply avoidant person and with them everything is always an attack. There's always limit to tiptoeing and life is too short to leave things unsaid at the table.
i had a similar scenario where i was reconnecting with an old friend after not having seen them for a long time and i felt like they were being distant with the way they approached the conversation as well.
in retrospect, i feel like me pointing it out in the moment was more just self-serving in order to relieve the anxiety that i felt in the moment about feeling distanced.
i think what i would have wanted to do is just recognize that unease came from internal anxiety in the first place and be able to pause the conversation and just give myself time to breathe and relax my limbic system so i don't feel at the mercy of that feeling.
revisiting this essay after a honesty moment that didn't go well haha and I would love if you'd wanna write about authenticity or point me towards the closest essay you have written about
I am going through something very similar. I feel my friend is giving more importance to another friend. I know that I am imagining it. But it is too painful. How do I get out of this ?
it depends a lot on the situation. I do think it's worthwhile to bring this up, and if they're a good friend they will care to address it. and at the same time, if you can come to some sort of peace before the conversation with the various outcomes that could happen (maybe they will respond positively, maybe they won't), that will help make the conversation easier. I wish you well
Kasra, i love that you put in the effort to call out the nuance in authenticity. it’s easy to default to “say how you feel all the time” ( my default) but i am learning how powerful it is to step back and watch.
I had a discussion about self-honoring and anxiety with a friend about the same topic that’s been very helpful in piecing out when am I trying to control the situation vs release the situation.
totally, stepping back and observing can be powerful. thanks Tanya!
also, it's kinda wild how your writing serendipitously shows up at the perfect timing about a topic I am thinking about so really excited to read you every week.
Very wise. It's always a dance of the emotions: Abrupt "authenticity" is like stepping on your partners toes. Thanks!
LOVE your meta self-reflection on this, and how a major driver was your own motivations.
On another note, you are brave to call out the uncomfortable, especially if you’re close friends. I fully support that and wish I had it in me to do that if I feel there might be something in the air! But is that totally defeating the purpose of your whole post? lol
For people strong in self-awareness like us, we'll know when something needs to be said and to say it in a way feels authentic in that moment. But yeah you have me thinking about the entire motivation behind it. Thanks for expanding my thinking!
it's true, there is a courage element and sometimes it's better to call out problems earlier than later! thanks for reading
Well-written as always, Kasra. I feel authenticity is often confused with vulnerability and transparency, all of which have their time and place but can have a profoundly different impact on a conversation when you're trying to meet someone where they are.
I hope you and this friend were able to move past this awkward encounter
exactly! different things for different purposes
While, your approach to deal with the situation is right, but realize that you probably were with a deeply avoidant person and with them everything is always an attack. There's always limit to tiptoeing and life is too short to leave things unsaid at the table.
i had a similar scenario where i was reconnecting with an old friend after not having seen them for a long time and i felt like they were being distant with the way they approached the conversation as well.
in retrospect, i feel like me pointing it out in the moment was more just self-serving in order to relieve the anxiety that i felt in the moment about feeling distanced.
i think what i would have wanted to do is just recognize that unease came from internal anxiety in the first place and be able to pause the conversation and just give myself time to breathe and relax my limbic system so i don't feel at the mercy of that feeling.
revisiting this essay after a honesty moment that didn't go well haha and I would love if you'd wanna write about authenticity or point me towards the closest essay you have written about
I love this
another kasra banger
I am going through something very similar. I feel my friend is giving more importance to another friend. I know that I am imagining it. But it is too painful. How do I get out of this ?
it depends a lot on the situation. I do think it's worthwhile to bring this up, and if they're a good friend they will care to address it. and at the same time, if you can come to some sort of peace before the conversation with the various outcomes that could happen (maybe they will respond positively, maybe they won't), that will help make the conversation easier. I wish you well
Thank you so much for the advice. I really appreciate your response.